This holiday season has been heavy. It has challenged me and grown me in ways I didn’t realize I could ever experience.This morning I woke up with an over encompassing peace. I smiled as I looked at the sunlight shining through the blinds of my window. I heard the birds singing melodies that could only be composed by our Creator. I got up, peaked at my kids and saw their sweet faces sleeping peacefully. Then I sat at my kitchen table with a cup of coffee and took the uninterrupted time to process and write. For the record, this is not a normal morning for me. 

I reflected on everything we have been through this year–not only my family, but the many people who are hurting and are going through painful experiences during this Holliday season. I thought about Christmas’ past, Christmas’ future and Christmas present. Though there are times of sadness and heartache, for me this Christmas is particularly unique in a way. It is the first Christmas I feel alone, often confused, and helpless at times. It is also the Christmas where I truly come to humbly adore my Savior in the most simplest yet powerful way. I have come to understand what Job speaks about in Job 42:5,

“My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.”

My heart has come to comprehend the unfailing love of our Father. Though I’ve known this my whole life, recent grief has unveiled my eyes to truly see it’s impact and application. This year I am able to discern that God is in the details of the plans for His people. These plans, though not our own at times, have purpose. I can clearly see this in and throughout the Christmas story. I visualize in my mind the exclamation of the angels, the fearful awe of the shepherds, and the determination of the wise men (not to mention the faith of a nation finally seeing God’s promises fulfilled).

I think about Jesus—about his birth, his life of righteousness and his grieving and sacrificial death. 

As I ponder these things, I try to understand God’s plans. His plan is often questioned. I ponder it as I think about my brother and sister-in-law sitting in a hospital room this Christmas, separated from their three young children, as they pray for a miracle. I look at my own life as I see two children who don’t have their daddy this year. I know people who are grieving the loss of a loved one and those who are going through unimaginable pain for one reason or another. 

Yet, as I think about the details of Jesus’ birth and God’s ultimate plan, I see that things weren’t so different then. A lot of circumstances seemed to be unplanned, and unprepared for. Complicated situations were definitely happening all around them. Did Mary and Jospeh plan for these things—Immaculate conception, to be chosen for a unimaginable and unbelievable purpose, to travel while pregnant, not to have a warm roof over their heads, to bear a child on a dirt floor-the Son of GOD, surrounded by animals? I often wonder how they must have felt—scared, confused, alone? Was this God’s original plan for His Son to enter into the world? Though they may have asked and questioned these things, God’s plan prevailed through all of the hardships they encountered. I believe with my whole heart that these details mattered in the birth of Jesus. For He truly was born in a lowly manger to dwell among men. Therefore, He could be called the Son of man and Son of God. Despite all these difficult circumstances, in the big picture, God remained faithful as His plan unfolded. And, despite everything that may have gone wrong, the purpose was clear—JESUS, Proclaimer of the gospel, Savior, Redeemer, and forever in eternity with Him. God knew!

Yes, He gave them the light of the world to carry, but he didn’t leave them. He never leaves us or forsakes us. God provided for them with every laborous step of the way to Bethlehem. He provided for them though the doors shut in their face at the inn. He provided for them with every fear and uncertainty. God was there for every tear shed, every bead sweat that dropped from Jospeh’s brow, and every push of pain that Mary endured during the birth of her son. It was truly a labor of love. He gave us the gift of His Son. He became flesh and dwelt among us. 

Though they may have asked, God’s plan was bigger. Though they were afraid, God gave them peace. Though they were alone, He sent the shepherds and wise men. The difficulty was before them, but because they trusted in the God who brought them through, the world was completely changed for all eternity. This first Christmas prepared a way that would set us all free.

C.S. Lewis profoundly said,

“The son of God became a man to enable men to become the sons of God.” 

God had a plan then and has a plan for each one of us now. It does not fail, it does not falter. Though there is sadness that lives in the brokenness of our hearts, of what we think should be and what could be, I stand in amazement that God has given me an atmosphere of peace. I may not know His plan, but I can trust that as I walk and as I wait, I can undeniably know that He is Emmanuel. He is God with us. His thoughts were of us from the beginning of time and continue to be with us today. Even if our days do not go according to our plans, I can confidently proclaim the prophesy of Isaiah 9:6:

He is the Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, and Prince of Peace!

Merry Christmas!