How has it been a year since we lost a loved husband, father, family member and friend? I have thought a lot about this day. What would it be like? What would it look like. Looking back on this day last year, I never thought I would last a day, much less 365 of them. The grief was far too great and the loss of Eric was too much pain to carry. Suicide was a word that didn’t directly affect me before, but now it will forever be etched into my life and into the lives of so many.
As I have thought about what to share today, I began to pray. I have written out my thoughts, feelings, cries, and expressions. Yet, as I pray, there is one message that I feel like needs to be shared, especially on this day. I am often asked what I think Eric would say if he were here. Honestly, I had no idea how to answer that until the Lord led me to share this:
Eric believed in the gospel. The gospel that God sent his Son Jesus to be born among man, to live sinless among the sinful, and to die, taking all of our sins to the cross with Him. Jesus took our pain, our suffering, and every thing we deserved upon himself to his death so that we didn’t have to take it and experience it. And, because Jesus was God, He was raised to life three days later to show us that we didn’t have to stay dead in our sin. Through Jesus’ sacrifice and resurrection, we are given new life through Him. This message, the gospel, has kept me alive every single day this year. These truths have forged me to get up everyday and keep fighting…
• The comfort in knowing that Eric stands redeemed in the presence of our Savior because he gave his life to Jesus.
• The hope that even death didn’t stop God, and He has the power to overcome every tear, every inch of pain, every disease, and every part of our suffering, because He knew and He has promised over and over to be with us through it all.
• The knowledge that one day (when God calls us home), it will ALL be okay. This life, the good and the bad, will end with an eternal glory if we know and trust in Jesus. One day we will understand everything that we go through and know that the things we thought we would never overcome, will be seen so clearly.
Eric struggled. We all do in different ways. We fight, we grieve, we hurt so deeply, we cry out to God and ask for understanding. BUT THE GOSPEL stays the same in our everyday lives. My faith in the gospel and in the knowledge that God so compassionately walks with me on this painful path, has kept me going. Faith is the ground on which I stand, the air in which I gasp, and the strength in which pushes me forward. Eric’s death instantly brought about fear, but when the fear was great, it brought even greater faith.
If you know Jesus, keep fighting and trusting that God is with you, that he hasn’t forgotten you, that you are NOT alone, and that it really is okay to not feel okay. If you do not know Jesus, please know Him today! This life, these pains that groan in the deepest parts of you, the life given to you and the very air you breath in, is from a God who unconditionally loves you and created you for a purpose.
When I think about Eric’s life, I think about the importance of the gospel, and I pray that others will too. He was human, he dealt with what so many of us wrestle with, but he believed in the gospel and he loved the Lord. His faith in Jesus was strong and I have never doubted that. We need to continue the conversation about mental illness, about addiction, and about the many struggles that we feel so ashamed to talk about. We need to talk about them openly and with grace. In discussing them, we need the heart of the gospel to always be at the forefront as well as intertwined in our conversations with those who are hurting.
This is what is important to share today and everyday. My dear Eric, you are missed and you are so greatly loved. May God continue to use your life here on earth. May we remember your laugh, your heart to love everyone, and the message that you spent your years sharing. Until we see you again.
If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide, PLEASE reach out to someone and continue reaching out. I can guarantee you that you are not alone. We are all broken, and it’s ok. It’s what we do with our brokenness. Stand on truth. “You ARE a person of worth because of what Jesus says, not because of what society labels you.” (Eric Garland) Share your story, keep fighting and do not give up.
Love you friend. Been praying for you this week knowing this day was coming. Thank you for pointing us all back to Jesus. He is our HOPE!!!
❤️I pray for you and your children often ❤️
Always am amazed at your strength from our God. May He continually bless you, your children and the ministry you were thrust into. Hugs
I cannot imagine the pain suicide has brought to your heart. I lost my first one in death. I’m sorry for the pain and grief you have experience through this past year. May God give you strength and encouragement as you press on and raise your. Children.
What a message !! May God continue you to bless and guide you and your family !!! Teresa
All is so very, very true. Life is hard, so we think, when a Loved One paases, but GOD is by our side each & every day & sees us thru. HE keeps us going & moving forward.
My thoughts are many since Jackson’s death 8 months ago. I so remember his smile & know that he wants us to be Happy & Love Each Other. Now, for our family, he & GOD have brought about a new Blessed Event, which we very much look forward to.
Peace & Love Be With You, Krissie.
Dee & Bob Milledge
. Krissie,
As I read your story I reposted sentences that you shared to encourage you with that I see in you! The gift of having the resilience of the Holy Spirit! Or possibly deepening the Holy Spirit’s awareness in you like being more in tune with Him it’s beautiful and one to Praise our Savior over all in! I love you and your heart to glorify him through it all! Love you deeply! Sondra
Honestly, I had no idea how to answer that until the Lord led me to share
Jesus took our pain, our suffering, and every thing we deserved upon himself to his death so that we didn’t have to take it and experience it.
the gospel, has kept me alive every single day this year.
The hope that even death didn’t stop God,
He has the power to overcome every tear, every inch of pain, every disease, and every part of our suffering,
He knew and He has promised over and over to be with us through it all.
one day (when God calls us home), it will ALL be okay.
We fight, we grieve, we hurt so deeply, we cry out to God and ask for understanding.
BUT THE GOSPEL stays the same in our everyday lives.
God so compassionately walks with me on this painful path, has kept me going.
Faith is the ground on which I stand, the air in which I gasp, and the strength in which pushes me forward.
when the fear was great, it brought even greater faith.
God who unconditionally loves you and created you for a purpose.
Krissie, I am sending you much love and prayers today and every day. One day you will know how many others who are struggling with grief, loss, mental illness and suicide have been impacted and comforted through reading your words of bravery and faith in Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Thanks for sharing Krissie! You are such a testimony and encouragement to many others. I will continue to pray for you and the family in the coming year as you rely on him for strength and comfort. Having lost a spouse the same way you did I can somewhat understand all that you’re going through. It is not easy but we know that God will never leave us nor for sake us and we just need to lean on him for strength. May God bless you and the family in the coming year!
❤️
Eric was so loved. This is a story that needs to be shared. Such an amazing man, yet he still struggled so greatly. Everyone does. It breaks my heart that there is such a stigma to mental illness and addiction. We live in a broken world. No one denies that. This is part of our broken world. We are broken people, but Eric is right… We have worth, no matter how broken we are. I love you Krissie! I pray for you and your babies often.
Thank you for sharing your words.. God bless your family. Will be praying for you. Eric will not be forgotten or his love for God.
Well said. Without the truth of the gospel and the Lord’s great love in his son, we have no hope. But now God is love and he can make all the pain and grief glorious rewards for you in heaven. Behold, He makes all things new, and we should anticipate His blessings while we wait for His appearance.
Krissie, we prayed this morning in Sunday School for you and the kiddos as someone remembered yesterday was the anniversary of Eric’s death. Thank you so much for sharing and for the courage you display to all of us. I’m praying that suicide and mental health issues will have the stigma removed. May you be blessed this year of 2020. Frances
Thanks so much for sharing.
Continue to pray for you and your family! Was thinking of you all last week! You are a blessing and your faith is such a testimony of God’s faithfulness! Eric would be so proud of you!❤️ Hugs, Annie
Krissie, as always my heart and prayers go out for you and your children! You speak the truth so eloquently and with such passion! Thanks for sharing and for encouraging us all as we go forward on the journey that each of us are on – you are touching so many lives and blessing them as you have been blessed !
Krissie such an uplifting post. Jesus is the center. You mentioned fear. When I lost my husband to melanoma, fear came, but I ran to Jesus to take it away. It is easy to be fearful, but God is faithful to comfort and take that fear away and give us peace.
I thank God for your testimony. I pray for you regularly and may God continue to sustain you.