For a moment let us acknowledge the true agony of grief. I can almost still feel the physical pain of the sharp gravel that dug into my skin after falling to my knees the night Eric died. I can still envision my mother’s eyes as I desparately held on to her in hopes that the… Read More A Lament of Grief
How has it been a year since we lost a loved husband, father, family member and friend? I have thought a lot about this day. What would it be like? What would it look like. Looking back on this day last year, I never thought I would last a day, much less 365 of them.… Read More The First Year
This holiday season has been heavy. It has challenged me and grown me in ways I didn’t realize I could ever experience.This morning I woke up with an over encompassing peace. I smiled as I looked at the sunlight shining through the blinds of my window. I heard the birds singing melodies that could only… Read More First Christmas
To the father who my children will always know, Happy Father’s Day! You are not here with us, but your legacy carries on through two pretty remarkable tiny humans. Joah is hilarious. He smiles often and makes people laugh. He flirts from across the room with his big brown eyes. He’s sensitive, which I adore,… Read More Father’s Day: Three Letters in One
I miss Eric. I miss his sincere presence. I miss his laugh. I miss the joy he brings to a room. I miss the way the babies light up when they see his face. I miss it all. Grief isn’t linear. Grief has no end date. Oh how I wish it did. I once believed… Read More The Truth Is: Processing Grief
To someone considering suicide. Please read this before you think any further… I looked into the angelic face of my little girl watching a father/daughter dance at a wedding where she was the flower girl. She stood on the outside of the cleared dance floor. I couldn’t help but turn away as the ache in my… Read More What You Leave Behind: To the Person who Considers Suicide
Milestones are days and events that we hold in our minds and in our hearts as special or memorable. Some milestones are celebratory because of the rich history and memories that have been passed down to us for hundreds and even thousands of years. Some are given to us as a part of our personal… Read More Milestones
To my precious and beautiful children: I know your daddy is gone, but I want you to understand a few things. He loved you. He prayed every day for you. He wanted you and dreamed for you. He may not be here, but he will always be a part of you. Remember that and be… Read More The Father to the Fatherless: A Letter to My Children
This post doesn’t have words of wisdom but simply thoughts from experience. I am no expert on grief. Honestly, I didn’t truly understand it in its intensity until I lost my husband, Eric. Head knowledge and heart knowledge are two very distinctive things. I could see it and grasp it, but to have someone ripped… Read More Sackcloth and Ashes: Processing Grief
My husband Eric had a tattoo that covered most of his right forearm. It said זמן לחפש את הלורד which means “Time to seek the Lord” in Hebrew. The tattoo was an intricate drawing of an hourglass with beautiful details throughout it. It was a tool to share the gospel with others. At the bottom… Read More The Missing Piece: Making Sense out of Suicide
